I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
