There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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