well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
