I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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