OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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