you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
