He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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