Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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