I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
