if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize