You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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