you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
