it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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