The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize