it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
