Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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