On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I could fuck to npr.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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