yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
