dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
