dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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