Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize