Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
