She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
