Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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