Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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