we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
