he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
