This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
