Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize