glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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