I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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