i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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