In the future we'll all be gay
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
