the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
