Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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