Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
