So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize