you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize