There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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