I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
