he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
