So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize