We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
