Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
