after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
