i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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