I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize