Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
