i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
