My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
