Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize