She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
did i just pee glitter
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