Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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