that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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