Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
