whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
