Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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