my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wear drunk well.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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