My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
