You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
