my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we're so committed to being not committed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
