her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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