I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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