um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
