well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
