so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
