mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
