You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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