Do you still have your period?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
