soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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