your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize