Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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