Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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