Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
