i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
