So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
