When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize