Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
