Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
