...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
