you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
