Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
