Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I currently don't understand fingers.
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