He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How does one acquire holy water?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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