I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Drunk is not a location!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
