your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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