ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
