I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
