you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
