I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
