Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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