The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
