my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
