There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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