I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
