So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
