I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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