all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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