At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
