btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
