Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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