He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
