if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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