I'm passing your future prison.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize