I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
