Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You may now shotgun with the bride
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
