Ambien. No doubt about it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
